pacific realization weekend

this weekend the news that two couples are on the road to kaput crossed my consciousness.

both couples had relationships that I never thought would quit. the weight of their loss and thinking about ramifications and alternatives in life and direction is a very somber note. it blasts home the fact that not only do I NOT know the lengths and bounds of my own relationships: I have no clue about the realities of others. the one thing that is known though is that when friends separate it strikes a note as deep and down as when the loss is my own.

so I guess it brings up some of my own stuff and reminds me that nothing is permanent no matter what's said or felt. promises and loyalty only exist in most situations so long as there is constant reinforcement. when there is no reinforcement, most cut losses and run. no bond or magic should be taken for granted - no matter how big or deep.

as usual, when the world is a yoke on shoulders and the cart is heavily laden I streak off to the coast to recharge the old batteries and process the pangs and twangs. ah, the hold that ocean has on me and the release it gives me at the same time. now THAT may be as good as love gets for me.

it's funny though that my own emptiness and feelings of big owie take a back seat to the fragmenting of the union of friends. evidence of lack of self or something.

crumbled cookies. spilled milk. a lyric from joni mitchell, "don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got til it's gone, pave paradise, put up a parking lot".

who needs a tree when you can have a big empty space to accomodate constant meaningless comings and goings?

here's my taxi, see you later.